• Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
  • Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
  • Guy: Well...yeah.
  • Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you
  • 363,275 notes

    holyghoul:

    im just a human bean

    (Source: jaatri)

    315,722 notes

    spagheteen:

    i never run voluntarily so if u ever see me running you should start running too bc something is coming

    685,155 notes

    whorville:

    I don’t have the patients to be a doctor

    339,476 notes

    slavette:

    "if you’re 18 why do you still ask your parents for permission"

    I seriously thought it was normal to ask permission to do things from the people that own the house you live in and provide for you, even if you’ve reached the magical age of 18. I’m going to continue being polite and nice to my parents until they are no longer around. I seriously thought that this was normal.

    3,642 notes
    I tried to love you less. I couldn’t.
    ―  Simone de Beauvoir, from The Mandarins (via soulsscrawl)

    (Source: violentwavesofemotion)

    12,238 notes

    deucebasket:

    threw a boomerang like 6 years ago and it never came back so now I live in constant fear

    497,932 notes

    meladoodle:

    i’m just gonna go ahead and say it… 101 dalmatians is far too many dalmatians

    28,649 notes
    Can you like, for one second, not be a fuckwit?
    ― Ancient Australian proverb (via beatrice-alice-smith)
    2,988 notes

    spookyhella:

    casually call people “human” to unsettle them and make them question what sort of being you are

    272,052 notes

    ostolero:

    dogs deserve to live forever

    706,160 notes